Chronic pain has made me suspicious of days that begin too easily

Dear Delyara, Because I know how quickly a body can turn. That is what long-term pain does to the spirit. It doesn’t only hurt in the moment. It alters trust. A good morning stops feeling like a blessing and starts feeling uncertain, almost suspicious. Will this last? How much can I do before I trigger the price? How many movements are safe? How much of my energy is real and how much is borrowed from later pain? Living like that is exhausting in ways people don’t see if they only measure illness by what is visibly dramatic. I am tired of negotiating with my body like this. Tired of planning around pain. Tired of feeling that even my own energy is provisional and might be reclaimed at any time with interest.