Debt Has Entered My Imagination

Dear Delyara, It is not only in my account anymore. It is in my thinking. I can’t imagine the future cleanly. Every plan has numbers attached. Every “maybe” has a cost. Every possibility gets edited by fear before it gets the chance to become desire. Debt makes even hope feel expensive. That is the part I am mourning now. Not only what I owe. What owing has done to the size of my inner life. I think smaller. I dream more cautiously. I cut from myself first. I postpone joy before life even asks me to. That is not a neutral financial condition. That is emotional occupation.