I almost apologized for being quiet even though nobody asked me to

Dear Delyara, I noticed I was quieter tonight, and before anyone had even reacted, something in me was already preparing the apology. As if silence needs justification. As if lower energy is impolite unless properly framed. As if being less available must be softened in advance so nobody mistakes it for something sharper. No one had actually accused me of anything. The reflex arrived anyway. That made me sad. Because it means there are still old rooms living inside me where my unedited state felt risky enough that even harmless quietness needed protection around it. I don’t want to keep apologizing for the weather in me. But some habits arrive earlier than choice.