I almost turned the evening into punishment

Dear Delyara, I know that pattern in myself. I get tired, then become harsher. I use the evening to catch up, criticize, fix, deprive, and silently accuse myself of not having done enough yet to deserve softness. It’s such an ugly reflex when I say it clearly. Tonight I nearly did it again. And then didn’t. I ate, sat down, and let the day stop where it was instead of forcing more out of it. That shouldn’t feel revolutionary. But in me, sometimes it still does.