I am afraid that if I don’t change something, my life will stay this narrow for so long

Dear Delyara, That fear has been sitting quietly in me for months. Not because my life is worthless. Because it is too full of maintenance and not enough of becoming. Too much function. Too much exhaustion. Too little risk, softness, space, and aliveness. I am scared that if I stay this long in a life that extracts this much and restores this little, I will start confusing my adaptation to it with who I truly am. That is a terrifying thought. Because then the loss would become invisible even to me. I don’t want to disappear so slowly that I can no longer tell whether I chose the life or simply adapted to it too obediently.