I am angry at my dead husband for leaving me with his mother

Dear Delyara, My husband died eight months ago. His mother has advanced arthritis and depended on him for shopping, appointments, and most practical things. Now she depends on me. She has another son who lives abroad and calls every Sunday. I am the one changing lightbulbs, collecting prescriptions, and hearing stories about my husband’s childhood when some days I cannot tolerate his name. I love her. I am also furious at him, which is absurd because he did not choose to die. Yesterday, while lifting her shopping bags, I thought, You left this to me. The thought was so ugly I nearly dropped them. She thanked me and said her son had chosen such a good wife. I went home and shouted at his photograph. I told him I am tired of being good. Then I apologized to the photograph. Widowhood has turned me into someone arguing with a dead man because anger needs a body and grief removed the correct one.