I am ashamed of how far I am from the life I said I wanted

Dear Delyara, There is a version of me in my head who would be shocked by my current life. Not because my life is worthless. Because it is smaller and more frightened than the one I once imagined. I said I would build something of my own. I said I would not stay too long where I was unhappy. I said I would choose myself with more courage than the women before me were allowed to. And now here I am. Still hesitating. Still coping. Still tired. Still giving practical reasons for emotional fear. That shame sits quietly in me most days. Then sometimes it rises suddenly — in front of a form asking for profession, in a conversation about future plans, in a school hall full of parents who all seem more stable than I feel. I know appearances lie. Still, shame does not need much evidence. It only needs comparison and a life that no longer matches the story you once told yourself.