I am ashamed of how practical I have become

Dear Delyara, Practical sounds respectable. Sometimes it is just fear wearing a proper coat. I used to want things with appetite. I used to imagine more freely, move more quickly, trust my own desire a little more. Now every dream has to push through money, age, family duty, tiredness, past disappointment, and the humiliating private thought that perhaps I no longer have the emotional range or energy to become the woman I once assumed I would be. That shames me. Not because practical life has no dignity. Because I can feel how much of my original hunger has been replaced by management. And management keeps people alive, yes. It does not always make them feel fully alive while living.