I am better at preparing than risking

Dear Delyara, If preparation counted as progress as often as I make it count emotionally, I’d be very far ahead. I know how to get ready. I know how to read, plan, list, improve, rehearse, refine, and wait for the right moment. What I am less naturally good at is entering the arena before certainty arrives. Because risking makes desire visible. And visible desire can be humiliated. That is what fear protects me from, I think. Not effort. Exposure.