I am frightened by how little in my life now feels unquestioningly solid

Dear Delyara, I thought adulthood would come with more ground. More certainty about work, about health, about marriage, about self, about money, about how the future basically works. Instead, so much feels provisional. Not always bad. Just not fully solid in the way I once assumed maturity would eventually provide. That wears on me in ways I am only beginning to understand. Because uncertainty doesn’t always announce itself as panic. Sometimes it just lives under everything, making joy harder to trust and rest harder to enter. If enough of life feels movable, then the body never fully stops preparing. I think that is part of why I’m so tired. Not only what I carry. How little of it feels like it is resting on unquestioned ground.