I am frightened that my job is teaching me to disappear politely

Dear Delyara, That’s the real fear underneath the tiredness. Not only that I’m overworked or underappreciated. That I can feel the job shaping my personality in ways I don’t want. I rehearse more. I soften more. I second-guess myself more. I send emails that sound like apologies for existing. I carry disrespect home and then question whether I am overreacting because the disrespect was never rude enough to count as obvious cruelty. This is what frightens me most about the workplace I’m in now: the damage looks respectable. It looks like professionalism. Calmness. Maturity. Team spirit. But inside me, it feels like self-erasure wearing office clothes. I do not want to build a life around a job that profits from how much I am willing to make myself smaller in order to remain employable. And yet, right now, I think that is exactly what is happening.