I am frightened that my life will stay exactly this difficult

Dear Delyara, Not because my life is a disaster. Because it is tiring in such a repeated, ordinary way. I am scared of the repetition. The same financial pressure. The same emotional thinness by evening. The same tired mornings. The same job I no longer trust. The same half-dreams that never become movement. The same feeling of coping well enough from outside while privately feeling that something is fundamentally wrong in the structure of my days. That fear sits behind more of my life than I admit. I think that’s why small setbacks hit me so hard now. It’s never only the late bill or the awkward work meeting or the child’s difficult week. It’s the silent thought underneath all of it: what if this is just what life feels like from now on? I hate that thought. I also know it has started living too close to the surface in me.