I am furious that my brother forgave our father

Dear Delyara, Our father was violent when we were children. My brother and I survived the same house differently. I stopped speaking to Dad at twenty-five. My brother stayed in contact. Last year, Dad apologized to him. Now my brother visits, helps with appointments, calls him “Dad” easily again. He tells me he has forgiven him and feels lighter. I should be happy for my brother. Instead, I feel betrayed. When he tells stories about having coffee with Dad, I hear our childhood being edited. I asked once how he can sit across from the man who hurt us. He said, “Because I’m tired of him deciding what my life feels like.” That sentence was meant to explain his choice, not criticize mine, but I heard criticism anyway. Dad has asked to see me. I said no. My brother says he will respect that. I still resent him for being able to do something I cannot. Anger is ugly when directed at somebody who survived beside you. I sometimes want my brother to remain wounded enough to validate my distance. Then I hate myself for wanting pain to be the thing that keeps us loyal.