I Am Good at Maintaining a Life

Dear Delyara, I can keep things going. That’s no longer in question. I can hold the schedule, hold the children, hold the home, hold the tone, hold the practical facts, hold the emotional weather enough that the outside of life keeps looking intact. But maintenance is not direction. And I can feel the difference now in a way I can’t ignore. Some days I don’t know if I’m still moving toward a truer self or just preserving a functioning structure because too many people depend on it to ask the harder question honestly. That is a devastating place to be.