I am most controlled when I am angriest

Dear Delyara, That sounds backwards, but it is true. When I am truly angry, I often become more controlled, not less. More measured. More precise. More careful about language. More distant. Less visibly emotional, more internally concentrated. It is not peace. It is containment. I think I learned early that visible anger was risky, so now it goes underground and dresses itself as composure. That makes it socially acceptable. It does not make it healthy. I’m still learning the difference.