I Am Never Fully Arriving

Dear Delyara, I move through my days in a kind of partial presence — half here, half ahead, half remembering, half bracing, half listening for what I’ve forgotten, what has changed, what is waiting, what might go wrong if I relax too fully into the current moment. That means even ordinary life gets diluted. I am there, but not wholly. At dinner, but partly in tomorrow. In bed, but partly in school. In conversation, but partly in work. At home, but partly in money. Stress has stolen my full arrival from too many parts of life. I miss what it felt like to inhabit a moment without also defending against the next one.