I Am Nicer Than I Am Healed

Dear Delyara, Something I’m only just beginning to understand is that being nice and being healed are not the same thing. For years I thought my softness meant I had processed things well. I thought because I could still be polite, empathetic, understanding, and mature about old pain, it meant the pain had lost its grip. But I think what was actually true is that I learned to remain likable while wounded. That is not the same as healing. Some of my oldest wounds are still shaping what I tolerate, what I fear, what I call love, and how quickly I apologize when someone else is uncomfortable. I’m not as free from the past as I once hoped.