I am scared that some of my goals are being carried by memory, not desire

Dear Delyara, I keep thinking about that distinction. Memory can carry a goal for a long time — the memory of who I wanted to be, who I thought I would become, what once felt vivid, urgent, meaningful. And because memory has loyalty in it, it can keep the structure moving even after desire has become quieter or stranger or harder to trust. That is where I think I am with some things now. Still moving. Not always sure from where. That uncertainty doesn’t feel freeing. It feels like grief wearing ambition’s clothes.