I am the person people unload on and almost never the person they notice is drowning too

Dear Delyara, I built that role myself. That’s part of the sadness. I became the calm one. The wise one. The steady one. The one who can hold a messy story without flinching, who can answer at midnight, who knows how to say the comforting thing without making someone feel childish for needing it. People trust that version of me. They lean on her. Lately I have realised how lonely she is. Because the more reliable I became, the less imaginable my own collapse seemed to other people. Even when I am struggling, the room often still reads me through usefulness first. I get sought for containment when I am desperate for it myself. I don’t want to resent my friendships. But I am starting to resent being loved mainly for the exact strength that leaves me most emotionally unattended.