I am tired of being strong on demand

Dear Delyara, People trust me with their mess. I understand why. I am warm, steady, good in shame, good in tears, good in confusion. I know how to hold. But some days I do not want to be the holding place. I want to arrive unfinished and still feel welcome there. I want to be boringly needy, repetitive, ungraceful, not-yet-wise, and still be met with the same warmth I am expected to provide. That does not happen often enough. And the loneliness of that is sharper now that I have finally admitted it to myself.