I am tired of managing what can be said in every room

Dear Delyara, The calculation begins before I even notice it. What version can be told here? What can be hinted at but not named? What can be said plainly? What must stay in the background? Which room can hold more of me, and which room requires a smaller, safer, more edited self? I think secrecy is heavy not only because of the secret itself, but because of the constant, quiet management surrounding it. That management changes your posture over time. It changes your spontaneity. It changes your relationship to honesty. I am so tired of those changes.