I am tired of money living in my body

Dear Delyara, In my shoulders. In the way I check prices. In the edge of my voice. In the speed with which I say no to myself. In the way I feel guilty buying something simple. In how quickly one cost leads to five imagined future problems before I’ve even sat down properly. I don’t want money to feel this physical. But it does. That’s what people miss when they talk about financial stress too casually. It is not only concern. It is a full-body experience when you’ve had enough years of carrying it. And I am tired of how quickly it can make me feel less safe in myself.