I am tired of the double life inside one face

Dear Delyara, I have realized something lately that unsettles me: I am very practiced at looking normal while carrying things no one around me knows about. That skill has costs. It means I am often split. One part of me participates, replies, smiles, remembers details, moves through practical life. Another part stays guarded, managing what can be said, what cannot be said, how much truth can safely enter the room without changing how I am perceived. I don’t think people understand how exhausting long-term secrecy is. It is not only silence. It is performance. It is editing. It is emotional choreography. I’m tired of needing so much internal management just to stay socially intact.