I am twenty-seven and my mother has to button my shirts

Dear Delyara, I developed rheumatoid arthritis aggressively at twenty-seven. My hands are swollen enough some mornings that buttons are impossible. I moved back with Mum temporarily because I could not manage several daily tasks alone. Today, she buttoned my work shirt while I stood there staring at the wall. She tried to make a joke about doing the same thing when I was five. I snapped at her. She became quiet. I apologized immediately. None of this is her fault. That almost makes dependence harder because there is nobody safe to blame. At work, I hide my hands under the desk when swelling is bad. Friends ask when I am moving back to my apartment. I keep saying soon. Doctors are adjusting treatment. Maybe things will improve. In the meantime, I am a grown man whose mother fastens cuffs before he goes into meetings pretending independence. She kissed my forehead this morning after finishing the buttons. I told her not to because I was already late. Really, I was afraid I would cry and make us both even later.