I Am Useful to Too Many People

Dear Delyara, I am the one who remembers, listens, steadies, interprets, replies properly, knows what to say, knows how to hold shame without making people feel worse, knows how to stay warm even when other people are messy. And I think I have become so emotionally useful that some people no longer know how to see me outside that usefulness. When I am tired, complicated, needy, repetitive, flat, ashamed, or not very inspiring, I can feel the room struggle more than I want to admit. That hurts. Because it means my strength has been loved more easily than my actual humanity. And strength is a lonely thing to be loved for.