I answered “yes” when the real answer was “I’m not coping well today”

Dear Delyara, A colleague asked if I was okay. It was not even a deep question. Just the ordinary kind people ask in passing while still walking, the kind that allows for one-word truth but not the actual shape of a life. And I said yes, because explaining would have taken energy I did not have and honesty I did not feel safe enough to spend in the corridor between meetings. The real answer was heavier. The real answer was: I slept badly, money is worrying me, my son is withdrawing into himself, I’m scared I’m too tired to be kind by evening, and I feel one small thing away from speaking too sharply to someone innocent. But instead, I said yes. That’s the loneliness of adulthood for me sometimes. Not that no one asks. That the truth is too large for the available space.