I Asked for More Time Instead of Pretending I Was Fine

Dear Delyara, The old version of me would have lied beautifully. I would have smiled, said, “No problem,” overcommitted in a calm voice, and then paid for it later in private with panic, resentment, and lost sleep. That has been one of my lifelong habits — sounding more capable than I actually am to avoid the shame of needing room. This time I said, “I need a little more time.” I said it without over-explaining. Without apologizing too much. Without trying to make the other person comfortable enough that my limit no longer cost them anything. That felt huge in my body. Like I had stepped out of an old costume. I’m trying to learn that fear and honesty do not always have to be enemies. Sometimes honesty is exactly how you move through fear without becoming smaller.