I attended my daughter’s school play without sitting beside the exit

Dear Delyara, Panic disorder taught me to map every room by its exits. Restaurants, cinemas, meetings, school halls—I sat on an aisle near the door so I could escape without climbing past anyone. My daughter learned this without me realizing. Whenever we entered somewhere, she would point toward the end seat and say, “Mum, there’s your place.” Therapy included gradually choosing seats farther from exits, allowing the panic to rise, and staying until my body learned that discomfort was not the same as danger. Last night was my daughter’s school play. I sat in the middle of a row. Ten people between me and the aisle. When the lights dimmed, my heart raced immediately. I pictured myself fainting, vomiting, needing to escape while everyone watched. I stayed. Then my daughter walked onto the stage dressed as a tree, forgot one line, stared at the audience in horror, and found the words again. I was so busy silently rooting for her that several minutes passed before I noticed my own panic had reduced. Afterward, she ran toward me and said, “You sat in the proper seats!” I had not known she was watching that too. Mental-health recovery has changed more than where I sit. It has changed one small thing my child no longer needs to arrange around her mother’s fear.