I avoid the staff room because somebody might need something from me

Dear Delyara, I am a deputy headteacher. I used to eat lunch in the staff room because I liked knowing what was happening in people’s lives. Now I eat in my car. If I enter the staff room, someone will ask about a difficult pupil, workload, leave, a parent complaint, broken heating, safeguarding, cover, or whether I can “just quickly” look at something. None of the requests are unreasonable. That is what frightens me. I have become angry at people for needing the job I am paid to do. Yesterday, a young teacher knocked on my office door while crying. My first thought was, Please, not today. Then she told me her father had died. I hugged her, arranged cover, sent her home, did everything a decent manager should. Afterward, I locked the door and felt ashamed that compassion had arrived one second after irritation. I am not cruel. I am empty. Some days the distinction feels dangerously thin.