I bought a pregnancy test and hid it inside a birthday card

Dear Delyara, I am thirty-eight, unmarried, and possibly pregnant. I bought the test at a pharmacy three neighborhoods away because the woman at my usual store knows my mother. To hide it, I also bought a birthday card and slipped the box inside before taking the train home. The card says, “May this year bring you everything you’ve been hoping for.” I almost laughed when I read it. The baby’s father is married. He told me his marriage was over, then stopped answering my messages last week. My parents believe I am too focused on work to date. My coworkers believe I dislike children. I have built an entire personality out of avoiding questions whose answers might disappoint people. The test is still inside the card on my kitchen table. I have not taken it. As long as I do not know, I can still imagine two lives: one where I am relieved and one where I am terrified but not alone. By morning, one of those lives may disappear. Tonight, I keep touching the envelope as though the card is truly meant for me and somewhere inside it is a year capable of bringing something other than consequences.