I bought bananas, bin bags, and birthday candles and felt like that was my whole identity

Dear Delyara, Three things. And somehow they summed up the stage of life I’m in so accurately that I nearly laughed in the supermarket aisle. Bananas for school lunches. Bin bags because the kitchen one was running low. Birthday candles because my daughter’s party is this weekend and if I don’t buy them now, I’ll be standing in a petrol station on Saturday overpaying for them in a panic. It struck me how much of my life is made of pre-emptive care. Remembering before remembering becomes urgent. Buying before need becomes visible. Holding the next few days together quietly enough that no one else experiences the amount of invisible effort it took. I know this is love. I know this is family. I also know it can be incredibly lonely, because so much of that labour passes through me without witness. The cashier asked if I wanted a receipt, and I almost said, “No, I want a staff award.”