I bought the coat that actually feels like protection

Dear Delyara, Not the cheaper one. Not the one that would “do.” The one that made me feel warm and held and properly covered from weather. I nearly put it back twice. That’s how deep the habit still goes in me — if comfort belongs to me, some practical cruel voice immediately arrives to argue with it. Be sensible. Get the cheaper one. You don’t need the nice one. You can cope. I’m tired of “you can cope” being the main standard I use for my own body. So I bought the better coat. And walking home in it felt oddly emotional, like I had done something much bigger than purchase fabric. Maybe I had. Maybe I had chosen not to minimise my own need for once.