I bought the swimsuit before losing the weight

Dear Delyara, For twelve summers, I told myself I would buy a swimsuit after losing weight. Every year, I stayed covered on the beach while my children swam. I became the person holding towels and taking photographs. Last winter, my daughter asked why there were almost no family photographs with me in the water. I did not have an answer I wanted her to learn from. I bought a swimsuit in my current size. The first time I wore it, I kept a dress over it until the edge of the sea. Today, months later, I swam with my grandchildren. My stomach showed. My thighs moved. Nobody on the beach stopped living. One grandchild climbed onto my back and nearly drowned us both laughing. Self-love did not arrive as suddenly admiring every part of my body. It arrived as refusing to postpone experiences until my body became visually acceptable to an audience that was mostly not looking.