I can hear my heartbeat in the ear that is losing sound

Dear Delyara, I am gradually losing hearing in my left ear. The specialist does not yet know why. Some days voices sound underwater; other days the ear is almost useless. The strangest part is that I can hear my own heartbeat inside it, a low pulsing sound especially at night. I lie beside my husband listening to my body prove it is alive through the same ear that is withdrawing from the outside world. I am a music teacher. Yesterday, one student played a wrong note and I did not notice until another child corrected her. I laughed it off. Later, I sat alone at the piano and played intervals with my good ear covered. Some notes disappeared into dull vibration. The doctor says further tests are needed. My colleagues tell me technology is excellent now. I know that. I am not afraid only of deafness. I am afraid of becoming someone whose relationship with music is mediated by equipment after forty years of trusting sound to arrive directly. Tonight, my heartbeat is loud. The room is quiet. I wish my body would stop proving one thing while taking another away.