I can still sound normal, and that is what makes this dangerous

Dear Delyara, If I were obviously falling apart, perhaps I would get help sooner. Perhaps I would give myself permission sooner too. But I can still answer emails. I can still show up. I can still complete tasks and make dinner and remember the dentist appointment and respond in a reasonable tone. So from the outside, I look fine enough. That is part of the problem. Inside, I feel thinner than I used to. Less inward room. Less joy. Less appetite for almost everything. More mechanical continuation, less real participation. The structure of life is intact, and the life-force inside the structure feels reduced. That is harder to explain to people than a breakdown. It is also harder to justify. But it is real.