I can still work hard inside something that no longer feels lit

Dear Delyara, That may be one of the most dangerous things about me. I know how to continue inside dimness. I know how to carry structure without inner fire. I know how to remain productive enough that even I can avoid fully asking whether the desire underneath the effort has changed. It has changed in some places. That scares me. Because if discipline can mimic purpose long enough, how do you know when you have stayed faithful — and when you have only stayed? I don’t have the answer yet.