I cannot close a bedroom door

Dear Delyara, When I was a child, my stepfather would close the bedroom door before hurting me. I am thirty-four now, married to a kind man who knows most of the story. Still, every door in our house stays open. Bathroom, bedroom, closet, all of them. My husband used to joke about it until he understood. Last night, our four-year-old son asked for his bedroom door to be closed because the hallway light bothered him. I tried. I pulled it halfway and felt the room tilt. My son watched my face and asked whether doors are dangerous. I told him no. Then I left it open and turned off the hallway light instead. I am terrified that my trauma is teaching him fear before he has any reason to know it. My therapist says healing does not require me to force the door closed, but motherhood makes every symptom feel like an inheritance I am accidentally passing down. Tonight, my husband is sleeping beside me with our bedroom door open. The house is quiet. I can see the hallway from the bed. I am safe. My body remains unconvinced.