I cannot feel proud when my students succeed

Dear Delyara, I have taught secondary school for twenty-one years. I used to remember every student’s interests, notice quiet changes, and stay after school because helping one child understand something felt meaningful. Now, when students receive good results, I feel relief that the data will satisfy management. When they struggle, I see additional meetings, emails, interventions, and paperwork. Today, a student I had supported through family homelessness received an offer from university. She hugged me and said I had changed her life. I hugged her back and felt nothing at first. The emotion came later, but it was shame, not pride. I am doing the work of a caring teacher while feeling increasingly absent inside it. The school calls me experienced and dependable. Those words have become chains. I am afraid to leave because students need stable adults. I am afraid to stay because they deserve more than a woman professionally imitating the teacher she used to be.