I cannot sleep unless I know exactly where my children are

Dear Delyara, My children are nineteen and twenty-two. They live at home but have adult lives, jobs, partners, late nights. I cannot sleep until both are inside the house. If one is out, I watch the location app. If the dot stops moving, I imagine an accident. If the battery dies, I call friends. My daughter has started turning location sharing off because she says I am using it to police her. She is right, and that knowledge has not stopped me. Three years ago, my nephew died in a car crash after leaving a party. Since then, every late-night journey has become his journey in my mind. Last Saturday, my son said he was staying at a friend’s house. I called the friend at one in the morning to confirm. My son found out and has barely spoken to me. He said, “Mum, you don’t trust life enough to let us have one.” I know he is not my nephew. I know most journeys end safely. At night, statistics become useless. I lie in bed listening for keys in the front door because sleep now feels like something a mother should earn only after every child she loves has been returned.