I changed my mind about going out and then felt guilty for protecting my own energy

Dear Delyara, The invitation was fine. The people were fine. My capacity wasn’t. By late afternoon I knew that if I forced myself out, I would spend the whole time offering a version of me that felt expensive and slightly fake. So I cancelled. Immediately came the guilt. They’ll think you’re distant. You should have made the effort. You never know, you might have enjoyed it. You’re becoming boring. You’re becoming difficult. I know that voice. I’m tired of obeying it. I stayed home, ate soup, and felt the guilt slowly lose volume as the evening went on. Relief, it turns out, is often more trustworthy than accusation in these situations.