I changed the bin bag and thought, this cannot be the whole shape of me

Dear Delyara, It was one of those late-evening moments where the house starts asking for one more small degrading task and you do it because if you don’t it will still be there in the morning waiting with worse timing. So I changed the bin bag. And while tying the old one and fitting the new one, I had this sudden wave of resistance — not to the task itself, but to the feeling that too much of my life is lived in maintenance mode. Cleaning, replacing, resetting, lifting, packing, sorting, preparing. Necessary work, yes. Loving work, often yes. But I do not want usefulness to become my only recognisable shape. I need more than competence. I need life. That thought landed very sharply while I was standing next to the rubbish. Sometimes truth comes in humiliating locations.