I chose the safer child first

Dear Delyara, I am a lifeguard. Last summer, two children were caught beyond the flags at the same time. One was closer and still above water. The other was farther out and disappearing beneath the waves. Training says to secure the reachable victim and avoid creating two rescues. I reached the closer child first. Another lifeguard reached the second too late. He died. Every investigation concluded that I followed procedure. His mother asked me why I did not choose her son. I told her I had made the safest decision in seconds. She said, “Safe for whom?” I hear that question whenever I enter the water. The child I saved sends me a card each year. His family calls me a hero. I cannot display the cards. A life exists because of the decision, and another life ended inside the same decision. People want the story to prove training works or tragedy is unavoidable. I was there. It felt like choosing which mother would leave the beach with a child.