I count every passenger after the doors close

Dear Delyara, I drive a school bus. Two years ago, another driver in our district accidentally left a sleeping child on a bus for several hours. The child survived. I was not involved. Since then, I cannot complete a route without checking every seat repeatedly. At the depot, I walk the aisle once, then again, then a third time. I photograph empty seats, lock the bus, reopen it, and check again. The routine now takes forty minutes. My supervisor has begun questioning overtime. I know the checks are excessive. I also know that if I stop after one inspection and a child is somehow there, I will never forgive myself. Yesterday, my own son waited outside school because I was still checking an empty bus. He called and said, “Dad, there’s nobody there.” He meant the bus. He could have meant my life. Anxiety has made me responsible for imaginary children so thoroughly that the real child waiting for me has learned not to expect me on time.