I did not check his profile even when I wanted to

Dear Delyara, I wasn’t magically healed or completely above the pattern. I was lonely, curious, and a little low, and in the past that exact mix would have sent me toward the old self-wounding route almost automatically. This time, I noticed the urge and let it pass. That sounds simple. It wasn’t. Because what I was really refusing was not information. It was the whole spiral that follows it — comparison, agitation, re-reading, emptier feeling, shame. I know that road now. I didn’t take it. I’m proud of that.