I did not feel like coming home to myself

Dear Delyara, I think that’s why I stayed out longer than I needed to. Not because home is bad. Because I was tired of my own mind. There are evenings when being alone feels restorative. And there are evenings when it feels like being trapped with a narrator who doesn’t know when to stop. Tonight was the second kind. I drove slower than necessary. Walked around the block once before going in. Looked at my phone without reading anything. Stood in the kitchen doing nothing for a while. Eventually I softened. But it took work. I wish coming home to myself felt easier than this.