I did not want to be impressive tonight

Dear Delyara, I wanted something very small and unglamorous this evening. I wanted permission to be unimpressive. No progress. No insight. No productivity. No emotionally wise conclusion. No proof that I’m using my time “well.” Just an ordinary night where I could be tired, plain, quiet, and enough. That might not sound like a big desire. To me, it felt almost radical. I think I’ve lived too much of my life under the pressure to justify my own existence through output, brightness, usefulness, or grace. Tonight I wanted to be none of those things. Just human.