I didn’t answer the phone because I knew I would sound wrong

Dear Delyara, Not angry. Just wrong. Too flat, too clipped, too tired, too likely to let the day come through in my voice in a way the caller didn’t deserve. So I watched the phone ring, let it stop, and sat with the guilt afterward. I know this about myself now. There are moments when not answering is the kindest version of me available. But because the decision looks rude from the outside, I still feel I must defend it internally. That is tiring in its own way. Later I texted back and said I was in the middle of something. That wasn’t exactly untrue. The thing I was in the middle of was trying not to become sharper than I meant to be.