I Didn’t Go Looking for Proof That I Was Forgotten

Dear Delyara, I know exactly how I do it. I scroll back. Search old threads. Notice who hasn’t texted first. Check who saw the picture. Count the silence. Build a whole emotional courtroom out of digital traces and then convict myself of being forgettable. Tonight I felt the urge start. That sick little pull to go looking for evidence that no one was really thinking of me. I didn’t. I put my phone facedown and let the loneliness stay raw instead of feeding it. That was hard for about twenty minutes. Then the air in the room felt cleaner. It turns out some habits are not curiosity. They are self-harm in a very socially acceptable outfit. I’m trying to remember that.