I Didn’t Make Fun of Myself First

Dear Delyara, I noticed something at dinner with friends. I didn’t make the first self-deprecating joke. Usually I get there before anyone else can. I turn myself into the punchline preemptively, like some old instinct thinks humiliation is safer if I deliver it myself. Tonight I didn’t. I let myself just be in the room. Not inflated. Not performing confidence. Just not reducing myself for comfort. It felt unfamiliar. And good.