I didn’t want to come back into the room

Dear Delyara, I stepped out for air today and then stood outside longer than I needed to because I didn’t want to go back in. Nothing dramatic was happening inside. No fight. No emergency. Just people, noise, conversation, expectations, and that subtle pressure to remain socially present even when something in me had already gone quiet. I think that’s one of the strangest parts of adulthood. Sometimes the room itself is not hostile, but your nervous system can still feel tired of being visible inside it. I eventually went back in, smiled, responded, carried on. But for a minute or two, standing outside felt more honest than being inside.